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Introduction
by Dr. Michael Tobin
As you will observe this is probably the
thousandth time Marge and Phil have had this fight. Why do they
persist in locking horns over who is the bigger martyr, and in
the process, persist in driving themselves crazy?? Why don't they
just get their act together, split up the jobs, get their kids
involved, hire help and do it! They both claim their physical
and mental well being are at stake!
So, what's really going on here?
Obviously, cleaning the house is not
the issue. If so they could have solved it a long time ago.
Marital conflicts about management of the home frequently mask
unresolved attitudes about male/female roles. Phil may passionately
proclaim that a man is as equally responsible for maintaining
the house as a woman, but, like many men, the little boy in him
might still expect to be taken care of. He wants to come home
and be greeted by a smiling wife, a clean house, and a hot meal.
On the other hand, it's difficult for
many women to get out of the role of playing critical parent.
She experiences the burden and responsibility for the house and
is angry that he doesn't share it. She nags, he resists. Phil
can't say no without Marge feeling abandoned and Marge can't ask
for five minutes more without Phil feeling like he married a slave
driver.
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