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The Wrong Way
Dear Bob,
You make me so mad. Why must you always think only of
yourself and never think of anyone else?
If you
would just listen for once in your life instead of insisting
on repeating your point of view, you wouldn't make me
so mad.
I try and I try to include you in my
plans and what good does it do me? None whatsoever.
You just go ahead and plan whatever you want and do
things your way regardless of whether they are good
for anybody but you. You say that you want to be fair
but I know that is not the case. You only want things
your way.
I, on
the other hand, always take you into consideration.
And you won't evenlisten to me when I try to tell you
how upset you are making me.
That is because you want to have
your own view of things even though it is wrong. If
you don't start showing me some consideration, you won't
have to even think about me anymore, because I will
be out of here.
I have
had it with your selfishness.
Mary
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The Write Way
Dear Bob,
Since it seems hard for us to talk to one another right
now, I thought I would write to you instead. That way
you can read this in your own time and have a chance
to mull over what I am saying.
I am sorry
we ended up having a fight. The issue of how we divide
up our weekend time is a tough one and I want you to
know that I understand that it is as tough for you as
it is for me.
When you accused me of trying to
control you, I felt really angry because I thought you
were not respecting my point of view.
I also felt angry when
you made plans to play golf with your friends without
checking with me first because I felt as though you
were saying that you don't consider me an important
part of your free time.
I love you, Bob, and I want our
marriage to work. No, you don't have to "ask my permission."
It is not about that. I want to know that I am important
to you and that you respect me. When we plan out our
weekends together, I feel as though you care about me.
When you exclude me from your planning, I don't feel
that way.
I respect your desire to spend
time golfing with your friends and don't want to stand
in the way of that.
Please think this over
and then let's talk about it again and negotiate a way
to make the weekends work for both of us.
Love,Mary
Sample letters written by Ms. Patricia
Lawrence Pomposello,
CSW and psychotherapist.
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