|
The Wrong Way
Tom,
You did it again. You made fun of
me in front of my friends.
I hate you when you do that. I am
so angry that I could kill you.
That is the reason why I am writing
this letter. I am just too furious to talk to you.
I don't know what pleasure you find in putting me
down, it just shows the lack of respect that you have
for me. Actually, you rarely show respect for me,
just like your father doesn't show respect for your
mother. I see how the apple doesn't fall far from
the tree. I wish you would see it too. It may help
you to change your behavior.
Even though I often think that you
are hopeless, and that you will never change.
But I can't take your humiliations
any more. I am going to stand up for myself and next
time you do that to me -- unfortunately I know that
there will be a next time, you are so unaware of your
behavior,
I will jump right back at you
and insult you in the same way that you insult me.
That will show you that you are not the only one who
can be mean.
If you won't change, then I guess
I will have to use the same tactics that you use.
I do
love you, but I just can't take it anymore.
Angie, still hurt and angry.
|
The Write Way
Dear Tom,
I waited to calm down before sitting
down and writing this letter to you.
Now that my anger has passed,I want
to tell you how hurt and humiliated I felt when you
laughed at me in front of my friends.
I know that it wasn't out of disrespect
and meanness on your part -- it is one of your character
traits, to joke and make fun of everything.
I know that it wasn't out of
disrespect and meanness on your part -- it is one
of your character traits; I just wish that you would
be more aware that, sometimes, your humor is in the
wrong direction, laughing at the person, instead of
with the person.
You have often told me how your
father was also a joker and we all keep traits from
our parents, sometimesgood ones, sometimes less pleasant
ones.
I don't want you to change your
sense of humor, it is one of the things that made
me fall in love with you. I just wish that you would
be more aware that sometimes your humor is in the
wrong direction, laughing at the person, instead of
with the person.
I can't change you, and, honestly,
I wouldn't want to change you because there are so
many things that I love about you.
I can only suggest that we each
take an honest look at what happened yesterday, a
situation that is familiar to both of us, and see
our personal responsibility in the situation.
I know that I need to be more
assertive and clearly state my feelings instead of
being overwhelmed with anger and helplessness. I don't
want to be hurt and humiliated.
I want to stand up for myself,
to be clear about what is and what is not acceptable
behavior from you. I will try to work on that.
I invite you to do the same,
and maybe we can help each other out. We know each
other's strong and weak points so well.
I feel better and closer to you
now that I have revealed to you my deepest and sincerest
feelings.
I love you,Angie
Sample letters written by Chantal
Danino Holt, social worker and coordinator of the
Marriage Center.
|
