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The Wrong Way
Dear Scott,
Sometimes I feel that you walk in the door and see
the one thing that I didn't get done in the day without
acknowledging all the things that I did do.
My day is often perfectly planned
but then I can get a call from the school to pick
up a sick child or I need to take one of our parents
to the doctor and then I can just kiss the day goodbye.
Those are the days when I feel
lucky just to get the dinner on the table.
Most of the time I don't resent
these intrusions because I love our kids and our folks.
Other times I just want to scream when
I get one of these calls and I look at the stacks
of laundry that won't get put away for days, again.
When I point this out to you and ask for more of your
help you tell me that you work hard all day.
I know
that, but they're your kids, too. Why do you act like
you're doing me a big favor when you take the garbage
out?
Love, Sheila
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The Write Way
Dear Scott,
I want to talk with you about our relationship. Lately
it seems that we're always too rushed or too tired
to talk. And, because of that pressure, it seems like
our talks quickly blow up into arguments.
Maybe if we try talking to each
other this way we might be able to hear each other
better.
I'm not asking you to problem solve
for me, I just want you to listen and acknowledge
that the day was really frustrating for me.
Just take the kids
out for pizza and give me an hour by myself or put
them to bed for me.
I know how hard you work and that your
days at the office are really long. I appreciate that
you're home for dinner every evening. And I know that
you often get some more work done after dinner so
I'm not asking for you to take over for me every night,
just on those occasions when I'm juggling sick children
or I spent the day taking one of our parents to the
doctor.
I just want to feel appreciated for
how hard I work. I love your Dad and don't mind taking
him to the doctor but it would mean a lot to me if
you said, "Thank you. I appreciate how much you do
to take care of my Dad."
I'd like it if we could set aside a
time to talk about these changing needs in our life,
for example, the fact that are parents are getting
older and we'll need to make some decisions about
their care.
What can you suggest?
Maybe we could get back into the habit
of going out to breakfast by ourselves one morning
a week.
It would be nice
to just spend some time alone with you.
I love you.
Sheila
Samples letters written by Dr.
Louise Klein, psychotherapist
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