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Will the Austen-Kutchinskys Make
it?
If this is your first time here,
we suggest you read CAST
BIOS.
Scene 1
(Joe Jr. walks into the kitchen and notices
his stepsister Judith.)
Joe Jr., 17:
Well, if it isn’t Her Royal Highness. What?!! The Princess
is eating with the commoners?
(Judith continues eating
while reading a book, ignoring him)
Joe Jr.:
Oh, Princess Judy refuses to speak. What’s the matter, us low-life
Kutchinskys too ethnic for you ? Our foreign soil too humble?
Judith, 16, (turning another page and
sipping her coffee, says in a cold voice):
Joe, you’ve become so literate. Tell me, which of your favorite
drugs has enriched your vocabulary?
Joe Jr.:
One that could do you some good, your Uptight-ness. On second thought,
I don’t know if there’s any drug that could loosen you
up.
Judith (closing her book):
Tell me, Joe, why do you need so much loosening up? Do you hate
yourself that much? Not that I don’t understand why.
Joe Jr.(getting angry):
No, Princess Freud, it’s you I can’t stand. From
the moment you arrived I knew it was the biggest mistake my father
ever made, although your mother certainly upgraded her life. It
was a smart move - catching a doctor for a second marriage, considering
what her husband - your father - did for a living, or should I say
"didn’t do."
Judith (angrily):
Leave my mother out of this. You don’t deserve a woman like
her for a mother...
Joe Jr. (escalating):
Don’t you talk about what I deserve! If you knew what we had
before, you wouldn’t dare show your faces in our home...
Chris Kutchinsky,14, (enters in very
short skirt, heavy make-up, punky hair):
Hey, Judith, you beatin’ up on my big brother, again?
Judith:
Who asked you to get involved? Ugh. Didn’t anyone ever teach
you how to put on make-up? You look like you belong to the Addams
Family. (To herself) I curse the day my mother decided to marry
into this family of wierdos.
Joe Jr.:
Well, that’s one thing, your Highness, that we all agree upon.
Malcolm Austen, 8, (enters with yo-yo):
Hey, what’s there to eat?
Chris:
God, you’re such a pig! Do all English twerps stuff themselves
like you? My Dad has to work overtime to feed you Austens!
Judith:
Your dad!? It’s my mother who’s breaking her back to support
this family. She never worked this hard when we were on our own.
Petie Kutchinsky, 11, (enters):
Is there anything to eat?
Judith:
I would think a computer genius like yourself should surely be able
to download dinner from the Net.
Chris:
Get off his case! You wouldn’t know a floppy disk from a frying
pan!
Petie:
When are Mom and Dad coming home?
Judith:
Don’t call my mother "Mom." She’s not your mother.
(Joseph and Pamela Kutchinsky enter)
Pamela (sighs):
Stop it you two - can’t you at least make an effort to get
on with each other?
Joe Jr.:
Yeah, maybe if you ship Her Royal Highness back to a British dungeon,
we’ll get a little peace around here. Are all British girls
such uptight princesses?
Joseph (quietly):
Joe stop it. I’m sick and tired of this constant fighting.
I know you don’t like it, but this is the way it is. Just keep
your nastiness to yourself. I don’t want it in this house.
Joe Jr.:
Oh, so I’m the fall guy. Look man, I didn’t ask you to
marry that woman. I’m leaving. (Sound of door slamming.)
Judith:
Mum, I’m sorry, but I can’t take this anymore. You see
what a creep he is. Let me go back home to boarding school or something.
Pamela:
No, that’s not the answer. It’s like Joseph said, "This
is the way it is." It will take time, but you’ll get used
to it.
Judith:
Never! I won’t get used to something that’s not my decision.
Petie and Mac (in unison):
What’s there to eat?
Scene 2
Joseph:
I can’t take it any more. It’s like WW III every day.
Talk to Judith and tell her to get off of Joe Jr.’s case.
Pamela:
No! You speak to Joe Jr. and tell him to stop bullying Judith. He’s
the one who’s doing the attacking, not her. Do you have any
idea how difficult it is for anyone to be around him? He’s
always so nasty and bitter.
Joseph:
Well, maybe he has a reason. It hasn’t been easy for him these
past three years. Maybe if you showed him a little TLC...
Pamela:
TLC? Joseph, it’s hard to show tender loving care to somebody
who treats you like dirt. I’ve tried to get through to him.
He hates me. I’m just not his real mother and he’ll never
let me forget that.
Joseph (sighing):
Look, all the kids were really close to Maria. And her death hit
Joe the hardest. You’ve got to be patient with him.
Pamela:
Stop making excuses for him and telling me what I’ve got to
do. Your son has got serious problems. Judith tells me he’s
into drugs, hangs out with a bad crowd...
Joseph (defensively):
Well, maybe Judith is wrong. How does she know what’s going
on in his life? And anyway, she’s got her own axe to grind.
Let’s face it, Pamela, she’ll do anything to get back
to England, even if it means ruining our relationship.
Pamela:
Enough!! Enough! Can’t you see what we’re doing? They’ve
dragged us right into the middle of their battle. We have got to
take control or they’re going to destroy our marriage.
Joseph:
You’re right. (Pause) Maybe starting fresh in a new place wasn’t
such a great idea after all. If we had stayed in New York, it might
have been easier.
Pamela:
You’re being naive Joe. We’d be dealing with these problems
wherever we were. At least in Connecticut I can breathe.
Joseph:
Maybe you can breathe, but I’m suffocating. The fighting is
driving me crazy. I was so down yesterday that I spoke to Bill Powers,
the head of Inpatient Psych, about our situation. I don’t know
if I felt better or worse when he told me what a job it will be
to turn us into one family. He said that we had exceeded the danger
mark on the Family Stress Inventory.
Pamela:
That’s no surprise to me. So where do we go from here?
Joseph:
I already took Bill’s suggestion and made an appointment with
a psychologist couple called the Sterns. They’re top family
therapists with a lot of experience with blended families. I don't
believe we can do it on our own. If we don't solve this, I'm afraid
it's going to kill our marriage.
Pamela (incredulous):
You made an appointment for family therapy without consulting me?
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