Sex And Intimacy Marital QA

Dear Dr. Tobin, I have to make a decision about a young man that I have been dating for six months. I live in Indianapolis and he lives in the State of Washington. We are both Christians and have an open communication line that the majority of married people would envy. The problem is that upon his return visit back to Washington, after the Thanksgiving Holiday, I found myself questioning our relationship due to two apprehensions.

Dear WholeFamily, My wife and I have been married for 30 years, I am 51 and she is 50. We still love each other very much, but the romance in our marriage is almost completely gone. We have not had sex now in over eight weeks and that pattern has existed now for almost two years. She has told me point blank that she is not interested in sex anymore. This change in her began again almost two years ago when her boss at work passed away and when she had her hysterectomy. I still am very interested in her sexually and love her very much. Is there anything I can do to change her outlook? Dear Frustrated, It's difficult to argue with your wife's biology.

Dear WholeFamily, About 2 years after my husband and I were married, I started feeling like all he wanted out of me was sex. We have now been married for 9 years. It's still the same. He has never been able to hold me, or touch me in any way without it being sexual. We've tried going to a therapist, but he says it's stupid and quits going. After we get into an argument over whether or not it's sex or to cuddle, we always have sex, but the cuddle never happens.

Dear Dr. Tobin, My wife and I have been married 21 years and have 3 daughters. Since I have known her, she has suffered from insecurity and a poor self-image, resulting from bad experiences during her teen years. She was a bit heavy, had severe acne, and had few friends. During her college years, she had high anxiety about grades, and spent all her time studying. I, on the other hand, have a high degree of self-confidence, and tend to take things more in stride.

Dear WholeFamily Counselor, I have been married 16 years. I was so in love with my husband but he hadn't been very affectionate for a long time and really didn't treat me very well. He was never physically abusive but was always cutting me down emotionally, although he still said he loved me. Things kept getting worse, eventually I fell out of love with him. Then he had a fling with a woman he knew I could not tolerate. But he insists it wasn't a full-blown affair. And he even says he feels that deep down inside, he thinks he did it to hurt me. I'm not sure why. I left the bedroom in January and we hadn't had any sexual relations since then. I did not love him and had no desire to be "with" him anymore.

Dear WholeFamily Counselor, I have always thought that marrying your best friend is the most perfect situation. You can talk about anything and probably already have before the marriage. BUT, it ends up that my best friend, my husband of two years, just doesn't want to talk anymore. I have had some pretty serious issues I've wanted to talk about lately i.e.; not being particularly attracted physically or mentally to him lately, having a baby, big time things huh? He just starts fidgeting, cleaning, whatever he can do so he won't have to listen.

Dear Dr. Tobin, My husband and I have been together 10 years, married for six of those years and have a two-year old. We have a wonderful working relationship and are good partners, but I have always felt that something was missing. Our relationship began not out of romance or passion, but because he was just good company. I never felt in love or matched. And I believe we've never truly been intimate with each other. I tried to end the relationship in our second and seventh years together, but he really wanted to make it work.

Dear WholeFamily Counselor, Three weeks ago, my husband moved out of our bedroom. He asked me last week what I wanted. I told him I'd like some affection. He said any affection he would give me would be faked. I can't understand why he doesn't move out if he doesn't care about me. Am I being foolish, thinking he still cares? Dear Am I Being Foolish, Your husband has decided to sleep on the couch and then to make matters worse, you ask him for affection and he says that any affection he would give you would be faked.