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A:
Hey.
Welcome to the Wide Wild World of Female Conquest, A practice
dating back to the dawn of man. Initiation rites and hazing rituals
are not necessary only because the sheer terror of the process
is enough to break the strongest and most suave among us (e.g.
the weak knees).
First take comfort in knowing
that the feelings you're experiencing overall are normal and
right on schedule in relation to your emotional development.
The tricky part is - how to make sense of it all. Asking a
girl out, whether for the first or the ninety-first time,
can sometimes be scary or a little threatening. Whether you
want to admit it or not, asking a girl out means facing the
possibility of rejection and I don't know anyone who enjoys
rejection. At the same time, that is probably the worst-case
scenario; she'll say "No". Once you remind yourself
that it can't be worse than that- it greatly lightens the
stress you feel beforehand.
Before we think about girl-gettin'
strategies you need to ask yourself, "Why do I want to
ask this person out at all?" If you're seeing your friends
pairing off, we may be looking at a peer pressure related
situation. This is not a viable reason to ask anyone out.
If, however, you're seeing an
individual who is worth getting to know better on a more personal
level, then perhaps there may be just cause for your affections.
I would be remiss if I didn't remind you that at 15, you need
not feel rushed or pressured to start a new relationship.
You have plenty of time to explore serious relationships further
on down the road. For now, focus on building your existing
platonic friendships.
If you are intent on taking this
friendship to a new level, then you're starting off from a
great foundation. On the flip side, it's also a risky starting
point. Going from "friend" to "girlfriend"
and back to "friend" is a transition more easily
said than done and can carry serious repercussions if mishandled.
I suggest you very casually ask
her out as you would any friend - only more often. If she
mentions a movie she's been interested in seeing ...Guess
what... that's the exact movie you've been wanting to see...Are
you catching on? Ask her to meet before a school function
for pizza, donuts, or coffee (really, don't drink coffee it
was only an example), or invite her over for a video.
Here are three suggestions you
can try. See which one suits you;
- Bite the bullet. Just
take a breath, go up to her and tell her what you're thinking.
There's certainly something to be admired about a guy who
can swallow his pride and express what he's feeling no matter
how embarrassing. Most girls recognize and appreciate this
quality in a guy.
- Write her a letter/note.
This is a safer yet perhaps more personal means of letting
her know how you feel. You've done it once already when
you wrote in to us so it should actually come easy for you.
Simply address your amorous intentions to her, and be sure
to let her know how she can respond. Perhaps via E-mail
at first until you feel more at ease face to face.
- Mutual go-between.
Enlist a trusted friend to feel out the possibility for
you by asking her if she's open to meeting someone new.
Whatever you decide to do, I
want to strongly remind you not to mistake an attraction or
crush with love. While advice from your peers can be enlightening,
please remember that everyone's experiences are different
and personal to them. What may be true for one is not necessarily
true for another.
Most importantly, I suggest you
find a male adult you know with whom you can confide in. This
can be your father, guidance counselor, trusted teacher, coach,
older brother, or anyone who can give you a consistent and
educated male perspective.
We wish you luck on your quest
and remind you that the "asking out" is the easier
part of the process. It's the "what do I do with her
now?" part that gets messy.
All the best,
Coach Cuddlechuck
Also
see: Relationships - Peers: Crushes and Dating
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