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I
had never thought much about aging. Even now, at 63, I continue
to proclaim, "I don't take my age personally," in spite
of the fact that the human forest in which I live is thinning
out. Many friends and members of my family, cousins with whom
I grew up, even a younger sister, have died, crossed from the
land of the living to Hamlet's "undiscover'd country from
whose bourn/No traveler returns." I have somehow not attributed
it to age. Sickness, yes. But aging?
I am as active as ever. So are my friends
who are living productive lives, many of them women whose careers
took off when they were in their forties and their children had
grown up. Today, as people live longer, there are the young-old
in their sixties and seventies, and the older-old, seniors in
their eighties and nineties. There are even those who begin entirely
new careers at 65, an increasingly common phenomenon.
And yet, slowly, I have had to admit that
the losses become greater as we get older. We are all more vulnerable.
There is increased incidence of illness and death as we move from
the fifties to the sixties to the seventies and eighties and beyond.
Many of my age group are now widows and widowers. As one friend
said, "We used to complain about our husbands' foibles. Now
we only hope that they stick around." These are objective
factors that cannot be denied.
Paradoxically, it is a new job, new challenges
as Director of the Senior Center of WholeFamily, that has brought
me face to face with the issues of aging. And I don't plan to
look the other way, play the ageless Peter Pan, create a Senior
Center that is Pollyanish, pretend that loss doesn't exist. And
yet, there is also profound gain: The anchoring of a life, watching
new generations develop.
Important Senior Issues Highlighted
in our Senior Center
In this launch, our first appearance on
WholeFamily.com, there is Leah Abramowitz's article on Dealing
With Death and Dying and Dorothy's
Diary, where Dorothy struggles with the issues of renewal
after her spouse passed away. Bob faces the question, To
Retire Or Not? and the identity crisis this entails. "Who
am I?" he wonders if he's no longer a lawyer applying his
well-honed skills to his work. How does one retain a sense of
self when one is no longer defined by the job which has bestowed
an identity for so long? And when Bob does finally retire in the
drama Shifting
Gears, how does Carol deal with a husband who is at home all
the time? After all, as the saying goes, "I married you for
better or for worse, but not for lunch every day."
Loss must be addressed and memories sustained.
We struggle to hold onto the gesture or smile of a loved one who
has passed on, to perpetuate some insight or approach to life.
These traces embedded in the strata of memory must be kept alive.
In Silver
Snapshots we present profiles of grandparents or special elders
whom we remember. But it is not only seniors who are remembering.
Young people remember grandparents. We hope that young and old
will visit our site, and share their reminiscences, that our site
will be truly intergenerational.
The young and not so young are often overwhelmed
with an ailing parent or spouse, struggling with the responsibilities
of caregiving, as presented in the dramas, Babying
Mom and I
Feel Like a Sandwich.
Many common dilemmas echo through every
period of life; identity crises, marital disappointments, parent-child
conflicts. These conflicts don't stop when a child becomes a parent
and a parent becomes a grandparent. There are similarities, for
example, between teenagers' involvement with their body image,
as their body changes and takes shape, and older peoples' need
to accommodate to a changing, aging body. What role should it
play in our lives? How can we maintain healthy bodies, experience
the joy of "feeling in the body" and yet not allow this
to be our primary goal in life? In Letters
on Body Image, Felice raises this issue.
Embracing the World Around Us
Like many other senior Websites, WholeFamily
will direct seniors to vacations, retirement homes, the enjoyment
of life. Celia Berger's Retirement
Tips introduces us to the broadening possibilities of retirement.
But we hope to do more than that. We want
to share psychological insight, human wisdom, to help us learn
how to relate to friends, family and ourselves. We would like
to encourage reflection upon the human condition through stories
and reminiscences, the study of great literature, to enhance the
medieval quality of "caritas," illumination. Most of
all, we hope that together we can, in this third part of our lives,
come to embrace the world around us, every blade of grass and
human quirk with love and joy. Indeed, may we see each day as
the one declared in Psalms, "This is the day that God has
created. Let us be happy and rejoice in it."
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