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I recently asked an 18-year-old guy if he believed in platonic
relationships between guys and girls. His answer was interesting:
"Only if there's a barrier," he said, "like if
she's dating your friend or if she's your cousin. But generally
- I'd say no."
After years of field research on the subject (hey, someone has
to do it) I have found this to be true. "We're only friends"
is a cop-out: it means you don't know each other that well, that
one of you feels something the other doesn't, or that you are
lying to yourselves. Strike this comment if one of you is gay
or attached, or if you are related.
It is my feeling that when you have a close friend of the opposite
sex, with whom you share everything and where no mitigating factors
exist, at least one of you will be harboring deeper feelings for
the other. This shouldn't be surprising: the best relationships
grow out of friendship, the deepest attractions grow out of an
intimate connection with someone's soul. Why should it be otherwise?
This is not to say that you should drop all of your guy friends
for fear that they are secretly pining after you. Or that you
should assume that the girl you have considered your best pal
for years is really just waiting for the right moment. Just be
aware that there is always a subtext to every situation, and the
subtext of deep friendship, not surprisingly, is love. Don't be
fooled into thinking it can't happen to you.
Do I sound like Pacey yet?
My friend Nikki was best friends with Gary for years. They talked
for hours every day, did everything together. They each went out
with other people throughout high school and the early part of
college. We're only friends, Nikki would protest, when asked what
the deal was. She sang this song and danced this dance for the
better part of two years.
Sometime, somewhere, things changed. They started dating. Seriously.
No one was shocked (except maybe Nikki); it was a natural outgrowth
of what had been going on for years. Today they are married with
two kids. But remember: They're only friends.
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