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My first day of high school was probably
the worst day of my life.
Acting confident actually made me confident.
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My parents were forcing me to attend
a prep school 45 minutes from my home. Out of a class of 110 incoming
freshmen, I knew no one. Not a single person.
I had spent the last eight years
in a class with 30 kids; I had not had to make a new friend at
school since the first grade.
I don't think I have ever felt as
lonely as I did that day, before or since.
So of course I entered school that
first day with a massive chip on my shoulder. I was determined
to show my parents what a stupid decision they had made.
Instead, I just depressed myself.
I joined after-school clubs, I made
acquaintances; but I couldn't make any friends. I was one of those
people that everybody says hello to, and even invites to sit with
them at lunch, but would never call on the phone, or go out with
after school.
On top of social problems, this high
school was academically challenging, while my junior-high was
a breeze.
After a full year of this, I was
utterly miserable.
So I spent the summer making a few
resolutions.
Maybe they can help some other people
- they certainly helped me and by the end of my four years of
high school, I had formed my group of friends, with whom I still
keep in touch. I was even voted by the students of my class to
speak at graduation. As miserable as I was that first year, the
rest of high school was a blast!
Here are my resolutions:
Say
hello anytime I see an acquaintance.
Because I was always smiling and
greeting the people I knew, people automatically assumed I was
friendly (though I am not naturally sociable). And high school
kids want to be friends with sociable people.
Take
the first step.
All the girls there already knew
each other - they didn't need another friend. But I did, so
I had to make the effort. I had to be the first one to invite
somebody to go with me to a movie, or over to my house. Once
I did, they started to respond in kind.
Make
friends slowly.
I couldn't get discouraged when
it took a while to make friends. Hey, I had already waited an
entire year, what's a couple more months? Making new friends
is hard.
Use
classes to get to know people.
I met most of my first friends
because I sat next to them in class. Class (before, after, or
even during class-time!) is a great opportunity to strike up
a conversation, ask for homework help, or even better, to extend
help when needed.
Hide
my fear.
I was terrified coming back to
school sophomore year. But acting confident really helped. First
of all, acting confident actually made me confident. And second,
confidence implies a lack of concern for other people's opinion,
which paradoxically, makes others value your opinion more. High
school kids are odd in that way.
Above all, remember that it can and
will get better. You may have to work a little to make your high
school experience a great one, but it's absolutely worth it!
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