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My answer would depend on where
your child is in the toilet training process. If your child
is at the beginning of the process and has not yet really
established training for urine, then I would not push things
by trying to force her to have bowel movements on the potty,
if she is not yet secure in doing so. If your child has already
established her ability to use the potty regularly for urinating
(for several weeks) then it may be time to be more forceful
about bowel movements.
Firstly, come what may, try and
gently hold her on the potty until she is finished with the
bowel movement. If she will let you do this without becoming
overwhelmingly upset, then her rush to get off the potty is
probably just more the shock of the new experience and not
an extreme fear. Help her to sit a few times and she'll probably
be fine. You can say, "I know it's a little hard for
you, but you are doing a great job and I'm going to help you
sit until you are finished." Of course if she does so
she deserves quite a significant reward.
If she does become very upset,
then she may not be ready for this step. If she is under age
three and has not yet established regular ability to urinate
in the potty, then hold her in place until you clean her up
(if she is making a mess by getting up in the middle) and
then you can have her continue the bowel movement into a diaper.
Tell her that you are proud of her for "starting"
to have a bowel movement in the potty and that you are sure
soon she'll be ready to finish. Drop the issue until she is
totally trained for urine.
If she is three years old and
is totally toilet trained for urine, try to set up with her
a separate program for bowel movement training. Make a chart
with her (as I described in the Time
Out article) and discuss what she wants as a reward once
she makes a whole bowel movement on the potty. Let her know
that getting up in the middle can make a mess and that you
cannot allow her to do that.
Feel free to physically help
her to stay on the potty. As soon as you see she is starting
a bowel movement, put your hands on her (being as gentle as
possible) to try and prevent any initial bolting. Tell her
"You are doing a great job, just sit for a little bit
more." I do not suggest, however, physically forcing
her to sit if she is very actively opposing you.
Try this method for a while and
see if there is improvement. My gut feeling from your letter
is that your daughter may have been scared off by a new experience.
Let her adjust to the new experience gradually and without
pressure. If, after several weeks, this method is not working
for you, please let me know how things stand and I'll be happy
to give you further suggestions.
Esther Boylan Wolfson, MA
Director, Early Childhood Development Center
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