Now he isn't doing so well in school. He isn't allowed to talk to the girl on the phone anymore, and I told him to tell her that they should only be friends (which I don't think he has done). I have tried telling him he is too young to be acting like this. He has plenty of time in his life for girls. He still seems to need to hold on to her. We show him plenty of love, but he's getting mouthy and disrespectful, and I'm finding it harder and harder to like him. Any suggestions?

A: Your son's symptoms are appearing more and more among "tweens" in our society, children too young to be in love, but encouraged by our society to skip into a developmental period without the maturity to handle it.

Your message to your son is an appropriate one, but to help him shift his passion from a girl, he requires something else to become passionate about. Involvement in a theater group, a competitive team activity (not necessarily a sport), a spelling team, Odyssey of the Mind, a model rocket club, or a collection activity of some kind may surely help.

It may also help if your son finds others who share his passion, thus making it less likely that he will fall back to his girlfriend. The girl is undoubtedly getting similar wisdom from her parents, but you may wish to check with them in case she is flirting. Two sets of parents on the same team can only help both children.

For a free newsletter on "Tweens," send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to P.O. Box 45489, Cleveland, OH 44145.

Dr. Sylvia Rimm

Are your 'tweens showing signs of growing up too fast?
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