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I've held a lot of challenging jobs
in my life including farmer, teacher, soldier, police reporter and
waitress. But the difficulties of all those jobs combined don't
hold a candle to the constant, daily challenge of being a parent.
I wanted to have kids for as long as
I can remember. I baby-sat and took care of young nieces and nephews
from an early age. I loved my jobs as camp counselor and youth group
leader. So I thought I knew what children were all about. And maybe
I did. But being a mother threw me for a loop.
Babyhood was a breeze. Somehow, I knew
just what to do and I loved doing it. But once my babies became
toddlers and I had to start setting limits, all that changed. Suddenly,
I was no longer great at this job.
I'd say, One cookie only and a whine
would change my mind.
I'd say, I'll read you three books
at bedtime and end up reading five (and resenting it.)
I'd say, No, I can't buy you that action
figure and a tantrum would send me to my wallet.
Those of you who know the importance
of setting limits realize I was setting myself up for a lot of
grief. And I got it. My youngest is now eight and my oldest 15
and I'm still not the greatest at discipline. But I now see where
I went wrong and wish I had had my eyes opened sooner -- like
when my firstborn was one.
Time to
Reach Out
Because of my experience, I want to
reach out to other parents who are just beginning the journey and
stress to them the importance of limits, of being consistent and,
to use an old fashioned phrase, being strict. Love is essential,
but when it comes to raising kids, it's not all you need.
If you are the parent of a baby or
toddler and you read one thing on this site, go to Disciplining
Toddlers by Grandma Charlie. She gives sound advice, born
of experience. Listen carefully to what she has to say. Also,
take a look at Teaching
Children Respect in an Age of Equality by psychologist Dr.
Wendy Mogel. Her insights are important and timely. To read about
the beautiful and useful lesson one young mother learned about
dealing with her impossible toddler, go to Volcanic
Ash by Teen Center Director, Sara
Eisen.
If I was weak on discipline, I was
strong on reading. From the time our firstborn was six months
old, we read books to our kids every night before bed and often
during the day as well. And today, my kids are never far from
a book. They average one a day. For the joys of reading aloud
to kids, go to Early Childhood Center Director Esther
Wolfson article, Books
to Grow On.
But don't think reading aloud is
just for little kids. If you haven't yet discovered the unexpected
pleasure of reading aloud to older children, look at Cary Jacoby's
The
Magic of Reading Aloud to Big Kids.
Those of you who are dealing with
the ups and downs of the teen years can get insights about communication
with these often uncommunicative beings in our drama, I
Can't Go On. Don't miss I
Know You Can Hear Me but Are You Listening for a parent's
valuable perspective on the same topic and Kidding:
How to Raise Your Parents, for a perceptive teen's take on
the issue. These articles and dramas will also show you what is
unique about our site: We focus on THE
WHOLE FAMILY and the interactions between different family
members. And we don't just write and talk: we act. Check out our
other dramas
and you'll see what I mean.
There is a lot more useful information
in our Parent Center. Browse around and let us know what you
liked, what worked for you, what you need that you haven't
yet found.
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