At
least from your description, your daughter is acting very normal
for an early adolescent. The babyish behavior is telling you that
she's not sure she's ready to grow up. She still requires the
assurance that you're there for her. If the behavior is too childish,
like temper tantrums when she doesn't get her way, you can ignore
it and discuss the issue at a calmer time.
If
it's simply fearful childish behavior, you can help her by being
supportive and encouraging by saying, "What's the worst thing
that can happen to you if you go to the party and you feel a little
left out?" or "What can you talk about to start a conversation?"
or "I remember being afraid when I was your age, but it got
better after I tried it once or twice."
The overly-mature behavior can cause greater problems. When 11-year-olds
want the privileges as 20-year-olds, it's time to hold the line.
Your daughter will not appreciate your limits now, but she will
eventually. Try not to talk down to your daughter but do be willing
to say no firmly when you believe a request deserves a no. In
case she accuses you of always saying no, remind her that the
real world will give her many no's, and there are no better people
to learn to accept no's from than the parents who love her. Patience
is an important quality to teach your daughter at this time. Learning
how to think through and project future consequences will help
her with her problem-solving forever.
At age 11, your daughter is just beginning the exploration of
her path between childhood and adulthood. It can be a most interesting
time of child-raising, and it doesn't have to be the ugly time
the media has painted. Take time to listen and talk with your
daughter as she explores her new pathways, and think about that
time in your own development, so you can thoroughly enjoy your
relationship with her.
Dr.
Sylvia
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