|
Dear
Wanting Husband to Admit to an Affair,
It's clear that you are going
through a very tough time now. You are faced with your husband's
extramarital affairs, your impending separation and the painful
challenge of informing your children.
Understandably, you want your
husband to admit the truth about the marriage, not some simplistic
statement that puts the blame equally on both of you. You
want fairness and justice. Nevertheless, in this case you
can't and shouldn't force your husband to admit his infidelity
to the children. How your husband explains things to the kids
is his business. What you do control is how and what you decide
to tell your children.
You are certainly hurting now
and you may very well be motivated by your feelings of revenge
and jealousy. You want the kids to know what their father
did. On the other hand, you need to consider that this man
will continue to be the father of your kids, and a relationship
with Dad is very important to any kid. The details of your
relationship with their father are not their business and
are probably not going to be very helpful to them. In order
for you to feel up front and honest you might tell them that
you and their father have separated because you feel that
he has not been honest and up front with you and you are not
willing to live that way.
However, you must share with
them about the affair, if you think they may hear it through
the grapevine or around the neighborhood. It is better to
hear about it from you than from an outside source.
The bottom line remains that you
don't control your husband, and in fact never did. I trust this
may be difficult to swallow, but once you get used to the idea,
you can get on with the many things that I am sure you need to
take care of.
Your kids need a lot of love
and support from both you and your husband during this difficult
period. Save your energies for them and for yourself.
All the best,
Naomi L. Baum, PhD
|
