CHANTAL'S CHANNEL
Journeys Through Marriage

Open Letter to Men

Even though the male/female ratio of Internet users has come to a balance, roughly 50/50, 75% of the letters received in the Marriage Center come from women. Can it be that the virtual life on the Internet reflects the real life outside of the box? It seems that, when it comes to intimate relationship, the majority of the seekers, the menders, and the holders of the torch that brings more light to intimate relationship are still the women.

Where are the men? Where is the other half of couple relationships? Where are the husbands' voices? Where are the men's laments? What do men want?

The complementary 25% shed a light on those questions. They are the husbands and partners who pour out their aching hearts in their letters. With sensitivity, courage, and, at times, deep introspection, they turn for help in their distressed attempts to save their marriages, or to divorce with dignity.

Quotes from our Marital Q. & A.s:

"And now me. I was far from being perfect. Many times through the years, I tried to bring my wife and me close to each other, and I will say that my methods for doing this were not the best many times. I sometimes did and said things I really didn't mean out of the frustration of trying to bring us closer together. Many times I didn't feel very good about myself or confident as a man."
                                                         From the letter "Husband Wants To Save Marriage"

"I'm unhappy within the marriage and yet I feel guilty about getting a divorce. The only good news is that while enduring this hardship, I have grown tremendously in more ways than I could explain and found so many aspects about myself. The one, most painful, inner truth, is unhappiness. How do I prioritize my values to come to a decision? How will I ever break the chains of guilt and fear????"
                                                                       From the letter "Crushed at the Crossroads"

"I love her more than life itself and can't imagine not growing old with her beside me."
                                                                        From the letter "I Love Her More Than Life"

"I have not been the best husband. I have treated my wife badly. But I have come to realize this and she knows this. I have been doing better and she also agrees..."
                                                         From the letter "I Have Not Been the Best Husband"

In the Marriage Center, we have articles written by men who share their experience as husbands, partners, fathers and stepfathers. Positive and/or negative, the experiences come from hard-learned life lessons, weaving an insightful philosophy of marriage.

The international best seller Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus touched a sensitive gender chord when it validated the general intuitive feeling that both sexes have different sensitivities, which should be addressed as such.

This is an open invitation to men to speak up about your life experience in your various roles as husbands, partners, lovers, fathers, stepfathers and fathers-in-law. Your words can break the myth that you are the silent majority when it comes to love and sensitivity, and show your awareness that, if one is to create a lasting, loving, and fulfilling marriage, one needs to be two.

Chantal Danino Holt is a social worker and holistic therapist. She is the coordinator of WholeFamily's Marriage Center. Chantal is married with three children, ages eight, 13 and 25.