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"The
perfectly mature and spiritually valid relationship must
always be deeply connected with personal growth... At
any given moment, each partner will serve as a mirror to
the inner state of the other and therefore to the relationship."
"Creating
Union" by Eva Pierrakos and Judith Saly!
Being in a love
relationship is a human need, essential like breathing fresh air
and drinking clean water. Just like there is awareness about the
delicate ecology of nature, there is growing awareness about the
ecology of relationships.
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THE THREE R'S OF RELATIONSHIP
RELATE
When two equal partners relate, both carry the full responsibility
for the relationship.
You always have the choice to relate in a shallow way
or in a deeper way.
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REVEAL
You cannot be lonely and unhappy if your relationship is
genuine. Ask yourself how genuine you are with your partner,
how willing you are to feel, to be open and vulnerable,
to reveal yourself and all that really matters to you.
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RECIPROCATE
What is necessary to the health of your partnership is identical
to what is necessary to your own growth. Each one holds
the pieces that the other is missing. When you want your
partner to be loving and affectionate, be loving and affectionate.
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We pollute ourselves,
our partner and our relationship each time we send or receive
negative emotions: anger, jealousy, boredom, lack of trust,
lack of support, lack of communication, lack of sexuality,
fear - all add up to creating a relationship which is out
of our control. It is in our power to plant and nurture
positive seeds that will grow and bloom into a loving relationship.
We co-create the present status of
our relationship, or the lack of it. It does not 'just happen'
to us. Unless we face our problematic relational issues directly
and begin to transform them consciously, they will not disappear.
We have a tendency, or a habit, to accuse and blame our partner
for what is not satisfying to us in the relationship. We need
to learn to feel all our feelings without unloading them where
they don't belong. To love and to be loved is a valid desire.
There is no shame for the longing to create a loving and lasting
relationship.
The ability to love always
comes down to the inner willingness and readiness to do
so. By being in a committed relationship, we learn to care
for our partner more than ourself. On a deeper level, each
partner is equally committed to the other's growth.
Difficulties that arise in a relationship
are always signals that something is not being attended to. They
are a loud message to those who can hear it. Couples who learn
to 'hear' those messages can overcome the obstacles to a fulfilling
relationship. Then, individually and as a couple, you can cross
the bridge and get from where you are to where you want to be
in your relationship.
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