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Dear Problems with Husband,
On the surface, it appears that the
sleep apnea, and the lack of sleep that not using the machine
will bring, is the major issue here. Although it would be tempting
to blame everything on this I feel that there are other issues
in your marriage that are not being addressed.
Where was your husband all those
times that he wasn't at home? That is the first question that
needs to be addressed. You say that he's a good provider but that
he spends no time with the family. So what does he do with his
time when he's not working? Have you seen other behavior changes?
I'm not trying to plant unwarranted suspicions but if you came
to me in a therapy session with these statements I would wonder
if this man were having an affair, dealing with an addiction,
or involved in something else outside of his business that he
didn't want anyone to know about. Please understand that this
is just speculation on my part as I don't know your husband.
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| I'm not saying
that it's your responsibility to try to make this marriage
work if he has no interest in doing his share. But offering
your love and support is a good place to begin. |
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It sounds to me like you still care
for him so start there. Ask him to meet you somewhere away from
the children so that you can talk. Tell him that you still love
him and that you want your marriage to work. Ask him what you
can do to help him. Try to just listen to what he has to say without
becoming angry or defensive. I'm not saying that it's your responsibility
to try to make this marriage work if he has no interest in doing
his share. But offering your love and support is a good place
to begin to get these issues out into the open.
Finally, on a practical note, if
his sleep apnea is keeping you awake then consider moving to another
bedroom so that you can get your sleep. You need to do this for
your own mental and physical health.
Dr. Louise Klein
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