|
Dear Am I Asking Too Much?
I understand that you are in a very
difficult situation: you must choose between staying with your
husband in Florida or remaining in Ohio to take care of your mother
and son.
You are right to feel that your feelings
are not being considered. The way your husband reacts to your
family problems is indeed inconsiderate, even selfish and childish.
I suppose this is the result of a long and problematic relationship
during your 17 years of marriage. It seems that from the start,
your feelings didn't count. Obviously, you were less important
than other things. You probably went through many difficult periods
coping with your demanding husband and son.
In my opinion, it is understandable
that you want to take care of your mother at this point in her
life, especially when your son is living with her. There are decisions
in life that only the person affected should make, no matter the
consequences; they are personal and involve your own conscience.
It seems to me that this is the type of decision you must resolve
now.
Your husband says "your place
is with him"; I say your place is where your heart is.
No one but you knows the answer, nor does anyone else have the
right to decide what you need to do.
Your husband says, "You can
twist and justify anything you want to make it look right."
Tell him this is the way you feel, and if he accuses you
of manipulating him, that is simply too bad. It is his choice
to look at these issues in such a manner, instead of supporting
you during this very difficult time in your life.
You need to understand that what
is happening between you and your husband is the result of the
way both of you managed your marriage: changes must be made.
My suggestions
are:
- Muster up the courage to make
your own decisions, no matter what your husband says. Listen
to your inner voice, to what your heart tells you. After all,
if your husband loves you, he'll have to accept your decision
and respect it - perhaps relocate along with you.
- Be faithful to your true feelings.
This might change the way your husband perceives you and relates
to you. He will consider your feelings if you consider them
first of all. The more you respect yourself, the greater the
chance that your husband will respect you.
- Your entire marital relationship
should change, and my first two suggestions are the prerequisite
conditions to allow for change. Another important condition
is to speak to your husband, explaining how you really feel.
- Marital counseling could help
both of you work out all these issues.
Good luck,
Arlette Simon, MSW
|
