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Dear
"Desperately Needing Help,"
We hear that you really feel that
the person you are with is not the same as the person you
married. We also see that you are having a hard time living
with this person you are now rediscovering and that you
feel that together you do not have the same expectations
anymore, although you really love him. Furthermore, apart
from not being fun anymore you feel that this relationship
is becoming a weight on your life.
The situation you are in is one many
couples find themselves in a number of years after marriage,
with a first child and the toll work is taking on your marriage.
You have created a situation where
you don't see each other enough and this doesn't give you
any time to grow together as a couple building your marriage
and your family. Instead, it seems each one of you builds
his life and expectations separately. Because of
this you have become two individuals that share a house
and a child, but neither a bed nor a dream.
By this we mean that you do not have
any physical or emotional intimacy together which makes
it impossible for both of you to be satisfied in your family
life.
Without this intimacy you will grow
even further apart. You may still find a way to enjoy life
and do things that satisfy you when you are on your own,
but you will not be able to build any intimacy with your
husband and you will continue to grow further apart.
If you want to save this marriage,
what we suggest is that you find the time to reconnect with
your husband. Convince him that you need to get together
again. You both need to know each other anew, as both of
you have changed and you have lost touch with each other.
You need to take time to do things
together like going out on evenings, taking a vacation together,
and spending time doing something you both enjoy. You must
talk together, listen to each other, and learn again about
one another.
Be together.
Dr. Marc Gelkopf, PhD and Elisabeth
Gelkopf-Belais, SW
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