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Dear
Daughter-in-law,
You are at a loss in dealing
with an interfering and meddling mother-in-law. Your mother-in-law
is constantly occuppied with her son's relationship with you
while making it no secret that she totally disapproves of
you and of this marriage.
You do not mention in your letter
your husband's attitude and reactions towards his mother.
Have the two of you worked out a common strategy to deal with
her intrusiveness?
You need to be assertive with
your mother-in-law in defining your bounderies with respect
to her. You can choose what is off-limits for you and make
those limits very clear to her. Beyond that, it is not in
your control. Discussing your mother-in-law constantly with
your husband and his ex-wife is a way of maintaining her influence
in your relationship. Therefore, beyond defining with them
a common and clear attitude towards her actions, she should
not be brought up. The more you concentrate on her, the more
she will be a diversion to you from your marital relationship.
If you find that in spite of
all efforts she persists in her behavior, I suggest you seek
professional help.
I find your situation somewhat
complicated by the fact that you and your husband live with
his ex-wife, your cousin. While not knowing the reasons or
the details of this arrangement, this is itself would need
some professional counseling.
Dr Silvet Sufar-Shalit, PsyD
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