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In
this conflict, each person relates to money in a way that highlights
their differing philosophies of life, and is symptomatic of the
conflicts between them.
Robert,
the husband, wants to remain free from a dependency on money.
He has developed a philosophy of life that suits his psychological
and spiritual needs, and does not believe that his happiness and
well-being depend on money. In his monologue, we see that his
relation to money has been influenced by his childhood. He transfers
his rebellion against his mother to a rebellion against his wife
Mary. He fights Mary's pressure to earn money in the same way
he fought his mother's pressure to make him do whatever she wanted.
At this stage in his life, the rebel part in Robert is succeeding:
he is doing what he wants and expects Mary to accept him that
way.
Mary needs
to understand her husband's rebellion against her, and the transference
of his emotions toward his mother to his wife. If she stops pressuring
him on money matters, the situation could change and Robert might
stop rebelling. He could start viewing the financial situation
in the family in a more objective manner, free of unsolved emotions
and conflicts from his past.
We see that
Mary is also locked in a belief system that keeps their conflict
alive and re-activates it repeatedly. She has her own personal
problems with money, stemming from her childhood with a gambling
father and his debts. For her, a gambling father was a catastrophe
and the source of many fears and worries about the future. Having
a husband who is an artist is essentially like a gambler: he gambles
on his artistic talents, perhaps at the expense of his family.
Mary expects Robert to resolve the money problems just as she
expected her father to resolve them in her past. The problem is
that she remains passive, only worrying and complaining; this
passivity reinforces her husband's rebellion. As she says, "I
know if I were alone, I'd budget, I'd make sacrifices." So
why doesn't she start to do that right now, without waiting for
salvation or understanding from Robert? Why doesn't she take responsibility
and initiate her own change?
In the monologues,
we also see the cultural effects on our perception of money. From
a gender point of view, the husband in Western society is expected
to earn money and support his family. Robert rebels against this
value and chooses the artist's value: "I can't sell my soul
to make money." Mary expects Robert to behave according to
society's value labeling the man as the main provider. She places
all the emphasis on her husband's potential to make money, without
understanding that she can do something to make a change.
She doesn't believe in her power as a woman to contribute to the
financial improvement of the family.
The two
partners also hold different views about success and failure.
Mary sees success as being in control of their financial circumstances.
Robert perceives success as a sense of abundance, regardless of
financial circumstances. For him, there exists an internal state
of abundance that is removed from his outer circumstances. Even
without money he may feel a greater sense of freedom and joy than
a person with money. A lack of money does not impoverish Robert.
Mary and
Robert need to communicate clearly with each other what their
values are regarding money. They must understand the strings of
the past that are influencing their mutual expectations. With
the help of individual and couple therapy, they can solve this
particular problem without relinquishing an essential aspect of
his/her world-view.
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