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It's
difficult to argue with your wife's biology. As you've discovered,
a hysterectomy can definitely affect a woman's sexual desire.
However, that shouldn't deter you from trying to get your
wife to relate to your feelings as significant and important.
First, I would strongly recommend
that you read up on the subject of hysterectomies and their
consequences. Please note the list of online resources on
the right side bar.
Can you imagine having your sexual
desire stripped away from you? I suspect that's exactly what
happened to your wife. Many women report either a partial
or total loss of sexual interest following a hysterectomy.
I assume she is on hormonal placement therapy and if she isn't,
she should be. It can help improve sexual function.
You also mentioned that her boss
died around the same time that she had her hysterectomy. It
would not be surprising if your wife is still feeling the
effects of this loss as well, especially if they had a close
relationship.
It is not uncommon that the loss
of a "loved one" will cause some persons to lose
their desire for pleasure in general or sexuality in particular.
Another thought: Perhaps her
disconnecting from you is her way of subconsciously "beating
the rush". By starting to separate from you now, she
can be "better prepared" psychologically / emotionally
to face the loss when the "inevitable" time comes.
Regardless of the reasons, any
improvement in your current relationship will first have to
be predicated on the fact that you must understand what she's
going through, and only then will you both be able to discover
a solution to your difficulties.
It sounds like you both have
some very legitimate issues regarding your sexuality, intimacy
and romantic "needs" and "wants". I know
it's hard to be willing to hear, but it does sound like she's
at least telling you what she doesn't want right now - sex!
My advice would be for you to
seek out marital counseling, where you can safely discuss
how you're both feeling. Without blaming, talk to each other
about your pain and loss. Listen to one another in a spirit
of cooperation and love. If you're both willing to "put
your cards on the table," then I'm certain that you will
be able to renew your love.
Good luck,
Marc Garson, MSW
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