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Dear
"I Need Direction,"
There are a few possible reasons
why you are having trouble with penetration.
Firstly, are you clear about the
anatomy of the vagina and the surrounding area -- the vulva?
This might sound elementary, but lots of people, not only
virgins, are quite ignorant about women's sex organs. It
would be good to find a picture in books about sex that
you can find in bookstores.
What's important to remember is that
the clitoris is that little protruding button on top and
further down is the vaginal opening. The clitoris is largely
responsible for women's sexual enjoyment. Most women need
some stimulation to the clitoris in order to reach orgasm.
I would recommend exploring your
wife's vulva with her as a second step. After finding her
clitoris, put your finger(s) inside her vagina. You will
get a feel for the angle you should be aiming for when penetrating,
not straight in but angled towards her lower back.
Once you've done this, make sure
that your wife is sufficiently lubricated. If she is sexually
stimulated, there should be no problem with wetness, as
this is the first sign of a woman being sexually stimulated.
If she is very nervous or frightened, this might stop her
natural lubrication. Do not attempt to penetrate if your
wife is dry inside her vagina. This will hurt her and you
as well. If needed, use an artificial lubricant, like K-Y
Jelly or Astroglide (both of which you can find in the pharmacy).
To make the first time as pleasant
as possible, start with having fun together, doing sexual
things you both enjoy. You don't have to fully penetrate
her at once. Take it slow and relax. You can stretch her
hymen (if she has one) slowly and make making love an enjoyable,
sensual experience from the get go.
Sincerely,
Marsha Ellentuck, MSW
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