1. Skip to Menu
  2. Skip to Content
  3. Skip to Footer>
Thursday, 14 September 2000

Premature Ejaculation

Written by  Marsha Ellentuck

Rate this item
(0 votes)
Premature Ejaculation

QDear WholeFamily Counselor,

I'm married with three young children. We are both working. By the time we take care of our clients and children, we have little energy for one another. We rarely reach sexual encounter. I often experience pre-mature ejaculation.

Any suggestions?


Sexually Frustrated

ADear "Sexually Frustrated,"

One of the biggest problems that I hear as a sex therapist is that young, busy couples cannot find quality time to get together to enjoy each other by themselves.

When I hear this complaint, I immediately ask them to get out their diaries and ask them to set aside an hour three times during the next week to spend having an "intimate meeting" with their spouse. I tell them to make sure that it's realistic --- not at 11:00 at night just before they're beginning to nod off to sleep. Even if they need a babysitter or a relative to help out, I emphasize the importance of this couple time.

Keeping up a relationship is a challenge and not something to be taken for granted. During this couple-time, I suggest that couples talk about what would be fun for them to do together -- including some kind of physical intimacy, whether it be massage, bathing together or a more direct sexual encounter.

Now the reason you may be having problems with pre-mature ejaculation is that the level of sexual excitement is so high from not having sex for so long that you have less control. One logical answer is, of course, to have sex on a more regular basis. A lot of men can have another erection after climaxing quite soon afterwards, providing they get the kind of sexual stimulation they need. Very often they last much longer the second time around.

If this isn't possible for you, you might try the "stop-start technique," a technique that will help you control your ejaculation. It involves increasing your awareness of your excitement and learning how to back down before "the point of no return," the moment when ejaculation is inevitable. Backing down might mean staying still for a minute, asking your wife to stop moving as well, or changing positions or movements.

Tension and anxiety are the causes of many cases of pre-mature ejaculation so try and relax! Lowering your anxiety level is of paramount importance. If you do lose control, remember that a good sexual encounter is much more than intercourse. Try to continue making love with other forms of sexual pleasure. In this way you will lower the pressure on yourself to perform.

Marsha Ellentuck, MSW

Last modified on Thursday, 12 January 2012 14:16
Did You Like This? SHARE IT NOW!

Leave a comment

Make sure you enter the (*) required information where indicated.
Basic HTML code is allowed.

Marsha Ellentuck

Marsha Ellentuck

Marsha Ellentuck is a licensed sex therapist as well as a couple and family therapist. She received her master's of social work in 1978 from the University of Pennsylvania. Her work as a community organizer led her into the field of sex education, first with teenagers, later with all different populations, including parents of young children and pensioners. During her training as a couple therapist, Marsha realized the need to combine her sex education knowledge with her therapy skills and continued her training in sex therapy. Marsha Ellentuck works in a wide variety of settings -- a family therapy clinic, a sex therapy clinic as well as in private practice. She also gives lectures and workshops on many different subjects concerning sexuality.

Interactive Features

Family Soap Opera

Join the Austen-Kutchinskys as they struggle to make their new blended family work.

Real Life Dramas

Listen to others Think it only happens to you? Families in conflict reveal their innermost struggles to communicate.


Learn how to express yourself through letter writing- using proven techniques for creating positive relationships.

Real Greetings

Real Cards...for Real Life

Marriage Tips

Receive Marriage Tips from Dr. Michael Tobin Delivered Directly To Your Mailbox

SIGN UP NOW and Receive the E-Book "10 Things Never To Do In A Marriage" FOR FREE!


See Sample Tips

We respect your email privacy

J-Town Internet Site Design