Guest
expert Silvia
Silberman, MA, answers:
You may think of a tummy ache or other
body pain as a way of expressing pain, preoccupation or anxiety
that is otherwise difficult to express. Eight-year-olds' preoccupations
usually belong to one of three realms:
1.
The ability to learn
--It would be appropriate to ask the teacher whether your
daughter is learning as expected. You might also ask your daughter
whether she thinks she is doing well or has difficulties in classroom
learning.
2. The
social realm -- Is your daughter unhappy with her position
in her peer group? Does she feel others are better heard, acknowledged
or given more attention? Perhaps the teacher could arrange for her
to work with children with whom she'd like more contact. Or it may
be necessary to acknowledge that some children are more in the center
and that is disappointing but that's the way it is.
3. The
family -- Does she feel heard by her parents? Maybe she is
saying something to her parents that they can't hear? Does she feel
left out by a parent's relationship with an older child or with
a friend? Somewhere there may be tension that is going unacknowledged.
These things may be difficult for a child
to speak about and so physical symptoms may appear. Don't force
her to talk, but give her an opening. Bring it up and let her know
you can talk about it if she's willing to. The knowledge that you're
available to talk may make things easier.
Sometimes, a child wants to stay home
to take care of a situation or a parent. Sometimes you can't
really find out what isn't working in a normal parent-child
dialogue. You need to give it time to let the child come to
grips with whatever the situation is. But if it takes too
long, you may want to seek professional help.
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