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It's true. More than half of all marriages
end in divorce. Probably half the kids in your class have only
a mom at home. But knowing that didn't make it any easier when
your dad walked out.
It's not fair. Your Mom and Dad couldn't
get their act together and you have to suffer.
Maybe you even think that you could have
done something to stop it, or, when you're really feeling down,
you might even think that it had
something to do with you.
It didn't. First, I'll set you straight about that one and then
give you some advice on how to get through
this tough time.
First of all, take a deep breath and listen
to what I'm about to say. Dad is not leaving Mom because of anything
you did. Dad's leaving Mom because Dad and Mom have problems with
each other, big problems, otherwise he wouldn't be leaving.
Maybe he is angry with her, or she's disappointed
in something that he did, or they're just very, very unhappy with
each other. Whatever it is, it's got nothing to do with you. What
do you think, a happy, loving couple get up and separate one day
because you're making trouble in school?
Second of all, it's hard, but you've got
to keep on going. Whatever it is you do in school or at home or
with friends, just keep doin' it. Don't be ashamed of yourself
and hide from people. Talk to adults you trust. Don't be shy to
ask a friend whose parents are divorced what it was like going
through the split up and what it's like now.
More important than talking to friends
or other adults is talking to your parents. You might have a lot
of questions about why they couldn't work it out or about when
you and your Dad will be seeing each other.
It might be hard for you seeing how upset
Mom and Dad are. Divorce is real tough on everyone. But remember
it's also for the best. At least for them and maybe for you. With
Mom and Dad being so mad at each other all the time it couldn't
have been much fun at home, which gets me to my next point.
Sure, there's nothing great about parents
splitting up, but maybe something good will come from it. Like
I said. It might be more peaceful without the two of them fighting.
And who knows - you might even get more special time alone with
your dad (or your mom, if she's the one who walks out) than you
got before.
Like, before, maybe he just came home,
patted you on the head, asked, "How's school?" but didn't
really sound like he cared. Now maybe he'll take you out alone
to baseball games or whatever. This is what adults call "quality
time". It's a fancy expression for: "I'll put all my
attention on my child. I won't be busy doing other things while
I'm with him. I'll only do those things that make him happy."
Now, how can you make the most of your
dad or mom moving out?
- Try to
be cool about it. Help them both out. This cannot be easy for
them.
- Remember
that you've got your own life. They will be trying to put aside
special times to spend with you. Try to go along with them,
but don't give up things that are really special to you just
because it happens to be your three hours on a Sunday afternoon
for "Dad Time".
- In spite
of what I wrote above, whenever possible, do try to spend time
with them.
- Be kind
and considerate. But don't let them use your time together to
just complain about the other one. It's natural for them to
want to do that, but explain to them, nicely, that it isn't
fair to make you the one in the middle who has to listen to
both sides.
- Go after
your hobbies and dreams and friends and get on with your life.
- If the whole
divorce is really hard on you, be sure to talk it over with
someone. Sometimes a grandparent can be real helpful in a time
like this.
Good luck. Remember: You're okay, they're
okay...things will just be a little different from now on.
Liz
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