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Ellen is seriously suicidal. Why?
How did she reach that point?
Do
her problems seem to be more severe than anyone else's? Okay,
her parents have problems - they fight. But how many children
grow up in families in which parents fight and suicide never
even crosses their mind?
Other kids may think that she's
even popular. So how come a kid like Ellen thinks seriously
about killing herself?
I think the answer can be summed
up in one sentence: Ellen feels absolutely and totally cut
off, alone.
Ellen feels that she's in a world
in which she has no connections with friends, with family.
In that state, suicide appears to be a possibility.
Maybe one of the most important
ingredients to feeling happy and hopeful is feeling connected
to one or more people. This is the reason why Ellen's feelings
begin to shift when Jenny, a very sensitive and caring girl,
notices how unhappy she is. Jenny makes contact with Ellen
and begins to talk to her. The decision to commit suicide
then becomes less of an absolute.
It's obvious that Ellen must
feel a terrible burden, an overwhelming sense of responsibility
for her parents' marriage. I suspect she feels what many kids
who consider suicide feel - a tremendous weight of expectation
from family and from peers to excel, to be popular, to be
highly successful.
Meanwhile, inside of each of
these kids is another person, one who might feel scared or
inadequate, but is afraid to express that, afraid to let anyone
know that he has those normal fears and doubts. People like
this feel split in half, disconnected from themselves and
from everyone else.
Ellen has a desperate need to
talk and it's interesting that she says, "Almost despite
myself, I was crying, and I told Jenny about my desire to
kill myself."
Why did she tell Jenny? Because
she's like all of us. We need someone who we can trust and
to whom we can pour our hearts out to from time to time.
Teenage suicide is a reality.
We can learn from Jenny. Her caring wasn't passive. She took
the risk of reaching out to Ellen. Something we may be called
upon to do one day or perhaps may need. One thing is certain:
None of us would want to carry the burden of, "If
only I had actually done something." I've known many
suicidal teenagers who, as a result of intervention through
friends, family or counselors, were helped and were never
again suicidal, who went on to live very healthy and productive
lives. The feelings of despair, loneliness and self-hate can
pass, but when you're in the middle of it, it seems like forever.
It's our job to help that time
pass.
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