| Dear
Emotional Mom:
There are a number of issues to address
here. The first one is your personal state of mind that is, by your
own admission, "very emotional" since you are three months
pregnant. The second issue is your daughter’s behavior. The
third issue is your feeling of inadequacy in dealing with that behavior.
First of all, your fragile emotional
state is normal for the first trimester of pregnancy, and even for
later. Hormonal changes, in addition to the "nesting instinct"
that creates in us a desire for quiet and order, can wreak havoc
with a pregnant woman’s feelings. We’re stressed out,
tired and often physically feel ill when we’re pregnant. Sometime
we just want to be left alone. We also have an even greater desire
than usual for the home to be a sanctuary of peace and tranquillity.
But we also want to be what we perceive to be perfect mothers, not
always possible if all we want to do at three o’clock in the
afternoon is shut out the kids and crawl into bed. It takes very
special children and husbands to understand these feelings. Naturally
a child of 1 ½ is not yet equipped to deal with the change
in a mom who was previously full of spirit, fun and had infinite
patience. So first of all, be kind with yourself and with your feelings.
As to the second issue, I assume that
by "Time out" you mean some kind of mechanism through
which you give her a command and then expect her to sit quietly
and stop crying or playing for a while, as a way to calm her down.
Your daughter, however, has her own inner time clock and she may
not be ready for the kind of discipline you are describing. Every
child is different and her behavior may not be as bad, objectively,
as it seems to you in your present state. Remember, she also has
to adjust to her mom acting a little differently than she did before.
Thirdly, what is the best way for you
to deal with that behavior of hers? Perhaps instead of disciplinary
"Time out" measures, you might consider taking her into
your lap and showing her picture books while you rock and rest (and
if you don’t have a rocking chair yet, now’s the time
to get it!) or even let her curl up next to you in bed while you
nap. What she needs now is your closeness and warmth, especially
since another little one will soon be joining the family.
I know there are different theories
of raising children and you will probably find some that diametrically
oppose what I am about to say here, but here goes: Leave the heavy
handed discipline to army sergeants. What your little girl needs
now is a warm, loving mommy. Use this special time alone with her
for some extra bonding before the next baby comes.
Good luck,
WholeMom
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