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Q
Dear Dr. Sylvia,
My husband and I have four children. Our nine-year-old son has
begun to express an intense dislike for school. In the morning,
he will say he is not attending school. He may refuse to dress
and will do so after our most determined insistence only. He cries
at times. He has repeatedly expressed feeling tired. He may willingly
agree to do homework, but does it poorly, or does not complete
it without some kind of unpleasant episode.
His grades have gone down significantly
in some areas. We have been forewarned by parents of students
who have had this particular teacher that she raises her voice,
that students are able to do things in the classroom with permission
from the teacher only (talk, for example), and their children
have exhibited varying forms of anxiety. One student had stomach
problems; another parent chose antidepressants as a way to cope.
My son has said that she shouts, does not allow questions and
expects perfection on all of his assignments. For example, he
wrote a thank you note and spelled "remember" with a
d instead of a b. Rather than erase the incorrect letter, he was
asked to do the entire note over. The children are allowed one
piece of paper for an assignment. The children were threatened
with a poor grade on report cards if an objective was not completed
to her satisfaction. This evening, my son shouted, "Homework
is stupid, school is stupid, and my teacher is stupid."
Sunday evenings are always more difficult,
I imagine, due to the end of the weekend, and the thought of school
the following morning. This has disrupted our family life; at
times it can be most unpleasant. We have reiterated staying home
from school is never a choice; allowed time for activities he
enjoys; encouraged verbalization of feelings; introduced time
management for those assignments that take more than one evening;
at night, gently remind him that we expect his cooperation in
the morning; have considered removing privileges for noncompliance;
and have considered earning privileges for cooperation. We are
not making much progress. I realize consistency is of the utmost
importance. We want our son to take the initiative to get ready
in the morning and to do homework in the evening.
We can not make him enjoy school, although
we'd like to see him empowered to meet the challenges he faces
in this particular classroom. We would like to provide him with
a means to cope. We'd like our home life to improve. Any suggestions?
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