|
Dear Had Enough,
Conflicts between in-laws are as old as the state of marriage!
Adam and Eve were probably the only couple who never had trouble
with in-laws. (Hey, who was God going to get in conflicts with -
himself?) It is a rare mother-in-law who can watch her daughter/son
create a new family cell with another person without experiencing
a sense of loss. Before all you mothers-in-law out there jump at
that statement, remember, I said "rare," so you might
be one of the rare ones.
But your situation sounds extreme, even in the milieu of classical
in-lawing. You don't give details about how long you've been married,
if she was happy with your marriage to begin with, if you come from
different backgrounds or religions or social status... or if
it's just a personality conflict. There are many factors that can
exacerbate a situation waiting to happen. Or maybe she just has
her own problems in life and she's using you for a scapegoat because
she doesn't want to alienate her own family or friends.
In any case, you're wondering, having said all that, where do you
go from here?
I suggest you don't try to defend yourself and give up trying to
make your mother-in-law or the rest of her children like you. The
only child of hers you should be concerned with is your spouse.
To your mother-in-law and your brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law
I say: Be polite. Don't be apologetic. Don't complain and don't
explain. Your life is with your spouse, not with them, and you don't
want to alienate your husband/wife by being rude to his/her family.
Therefore you have to maintain good relations but don't kill yourself
trying to get them to think you're right or you're a good person
or you're a loving child-in-law. They will ultimately respect you
for it, even if they don't like you. If she's their mother also,
deep down inside, they know what she's like, even though they won't
admit it to you, the outsider.
So send her flowers on her birthday, be pleasant, remind yourself
that you're a bigger person than she is and get on with your life
with your (hopefully) loving spouse.
Regards,
WholeMom
|
