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It certainly sounds like you are having a difficult time of
things with your daughter. I have several thoughts concerning
what might be going on and some avenues you might check out.
First of all, you said that she "makes her self sick." I'm
wondering what these illnesses are and if you have checked
them out with a doctor. Sometimes we think children are feigning
illnesses, when in fact something is really wrong with them
physically.
The
second thing that occurs to me is that there may be something
going on that is so threatening to your daughter that she
is unable to discuss this with you, or anyone else. This may
be something social, something sexual or some other kind of
moral dilemma. Keeping the door open to communicating with
her is essential. Letting her know that you are always ready
to talk with her and that you will not punish her for what
she tells you is very important. Suggesting that she might
talk with a psychologist or a therapist..who is not connected
to the school, and where she will have complete confidentiality
might also help.
You
didn't mention anything about your family and I am wondering
if there are any major changes that have occurred in your
family (marriage, divorce, death, illness, moving house) in
the past several months. These changes can often be the source
of stress in our children's lives, even if on the surface
they seem to have adjusted to the change.
In
order to help your daughter make it back to school, it is
important to set up very clear rules with her. Addressing
the issues of when she is allowed to miss school, and what
she needs to do when and if she misses school is important.
Running a fever is often a good benchmark to use in deciding
whether to allow your child to stay home. Stomach aches and
headaches are usually not good indicators for staying home.
When your daughter does stay home, guidelines as to how much
TV–watching and computer–playing is allowed are
also helpful. Reminding her about homework and schoolwork
she needs to make up and making yourself available to help
her with this are also advisable.
If all this fails and you can't find a "correctable" problem,
I suggest that you contact the school psychologist in your
school district. These professionals usually have experience
with school refusal, as this problem is called in the professional
jargon. They may be able to help you and help your daughter
get back on the road to school.
Good
luck and let me know how things go.
Sincerely.
Naomi
L. Baum, PhD
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