|
Dear Unhappy with Life,
First, let's define the problem. Are
you unhappy with your life or are you furious with your husband?
When I read your letter, I hear resentment
and frustration pouring through: "My husband's work has always
dictated what side of town we live on." You complain that because
of your husband, your children have no friends or activities and
you may have to give up your career plans.
Ask yourself: 1) Have you agreed with
your husband that the family's financial needs demanded these
sacrifices? 2) Or, do you feel that you unwillingly accepting
a lifestyle that you've never really wanted?
If the answer to question #1 is yes,
then your anger and frustration are more a function of the
fact that you are no longer satisfied with the choices that
you and your husband once made. People and relationships grow
and change. Perhaps moving for the sake of your husband's
work was once acceptable to you. However, you now understand
the price that you and the children have had to pay and it's
no longer worth it to you.
If that's the case, then I would suggest
that you begin to dialog with your husband and help him to understand
the effect moving has had on you and the children. Perhaps, when
he fully understands how you feel, he will then be willing to
explore additional options.
If, on the other hand, the answer to question
#2 is yes, then ask yourself why you've allowed your husband to
become so powerful that neither you nor the children have had
a say in how this family functions.
Find the courage to assert yourself.
Without blaming or accusing, confront your husband. Tell him
that you're not interested in making more sacrifices. He must
understand that there are two people in this marriage and
both have needs and wants. A marriage can only work when there
is mutual respect. It might be safer to share your feelings
in a letter which will enable him to have the time to think
about your concerns.
Remember happiness is a function of
self-respect and intimacy. Act to create happiness for yourself.
Good luck,
Dr. Michael Tobin
|
