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Sunday, 20 February 2011

Blog: On Monogamy and Other Quaint Ideas

Written by  Michael Tobin

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Blog:  On Monogamy and Other Quaint Ideas

The torrid tales of marital Infidelity are as ancient as the Bible, as vibrant and painful as the tales of the Greek gods, and as tragic as the demise of Tiger Woods. Yet why should we even care? Let’s be honest. Are there many of us husbands and wives who have not, at some point in our lives, wrestled with the dilemma – to cheat or not to cheat, to betray or to remain faithful? 52% of respondents to a survey we conducted on wholefamily.com answered affirmatively to the question, “Have you ever had an affair?” In other words, adultery is so ubiquitous that, statistically speaking, a couple has a better chance of having an affair than the Casino has at winning Black Jack.

So, monogamy may be holy, but is it realistic? Is happiness in a monogamous marriage a myth? Is it possible to maintain love, desire, and even a modicum of interest in a long-term marital relationship? Isn’t marriage just too damn complicated for love to thrive? Think about it: maybe it was love and passion that made you believe it would last forever, but wasn’t it babies, financial pressures, in-laws, dual careers, a mortgage, responsibilities, obligations, disagreements, the usual Mars and Venus stuff, a bit of fat here and few less hairs there that brought you to the point where the idea of wild sex with your spouse at best would have to be scheduled and more likely be considered impossible?

Nevertheless, I’m sure that there are a number of people out there who believe that it’s possible for two people to grow closer and more in love despite the challenges inherent in a long-term relationship. If so, I along with many people who will be reading this blog would like to know what your secret is.

The purpose of this blog is to get beyond platitudes and to discuss real people with real issues and real solutions. I want to hear your opinions about marriage. Your wisdom and experience may have a very positive impact on the people reading this blog.

Here are some questions to ponder:

1. Is it possible to maintain an exciting sex life in a long term relationship? If so, then how?

2. How do you stay in love when you see the same person with all his or her warts day after day?

3. What do you think are the important ingredients in a healthy, loving long-term relationship?

4. Is monogamy possible and if so, then what do you do when the fires are waning and your eyes and imagination start traveling?

5. If you and your partner would describe your relationship as positive, then what works for both of you?

6. What attitude(s) do you need in order to maintain a positive relationship?

If together we can crack the marital code by discovering what it takes to be happy with the same person over a lifetime, then we’ve made an extraordinary and invaluable contribution.

Last modified on Sunday, 20 February 2011 12:15
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Michael Tobin

Michael Tobin

Dr. Michael Tobin has been a psychologist since 1974, specializing in marital and family therapy. He is the author of numerous articles on marriage and family relationships and is the founder of WholeFamily.com. He's  been married to Deborah for 38 years and is the father of four children and grandfather to five.

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