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Friday, 22 April 2011

Seeking Drama

Written by  Alyssa Wineblatt

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I can't say that boredom is a problem in my marriage. Although we are locked into more than one ceaseless conflict, and enact the same script in some matters, for some reason, no matter how repetitive and trivial the matter, I always find it dramatic. For example, I want my husband to help me in the kitchen after dinner and he wants to sit. For some reason, we are unable to find a compromise. We have fought about this matter periodically for 15 years. One would think we would get tired. But no, I am always ready to engage in this conflict as though it were interesting. He may get tired of it, but me, I always think of it as a drama of life and death proportions, with me playing a victim or a martyr or, on the other hand, a heroine who wins cooperation.

I hesitate to admit this but I find the idea of happiness boring. A couple who works things out all of the time and never argues seems to me the apex of boredom.

I am not bragging about this. I'm sure it would be better to move on from the same battles. I wish we could. I am always sure that we will.

Regardless, he is always a challenge to me. I don't agree with what he does sometimes, but he always surprises me. He never stays in a routine -- he loves to move and to change jobs. This is difficult for me, but never boring. He also is a religious person who is always learning and studying. He is always interested in growing.

Even if we have money problems, and I get upset, I never feel like we're in a rut. No matter how often we fight, things stay interesting for me.

On some level, I think that because I grew up in a household with a lot of self-created drama, I recreate that drama rather than risk boredom.

I hesitate to admit this but I find the idea of happiness boring. A couple who works things out all of the time and never argues seems to me the apex of boredom.

I am probably defensive and twisted. I'm sure a psychologist would have a field day with my attitudes.

I guess you could say that no matter how much I profess to want calm and tranquility, and a truly functional relationship, I'm afraid of it. My parents didn't have it, so why should I deserve it? Somehow, I equate tranquility and clear communication with boredom.

The more I think about it though, the more bored I get with myself. It may be that the dramas I've been enacting have become melodramas. It feels like time to replace the dramas with new ones, new struggles that are communicated and worked on, rather than staged and performed.

Last modified on Thursday, 12 January 2012 13:26
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