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Thursday, 14 September 2000

Under Sherri's Hat: Sleeping Together

Written by  Sherri Mandell

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Do you, husbands, go to bed in fear and trepidation because your wife is already asleep in the bed? Is she as sensitive as the princess in The Princess and the Pea. Will the slightest movement perturb her highness? When you ever so carefully and gently pull the bedroom door open, ever so slowly, will she scream, "Shut the door, you insensitive brute."

And when you finally snuggle under the covers and are just falling into blissful sleep, will she turn to you and say: "Honey, let's talk"?

When you tiptoe on tiny baby steps into the bathroom and turn on the bathroom light, even though the door is closed, will she awake again and scream: "Why are you shining that at me? What is this? A police lineup?"

When you run the water to brush your teeth, will she bark: "Stop that nuclear explosion."

And when you go to the bathroom, will she shriek, "Who turned on the waterfall?"

When you empty the change from your pockets will she shout, "What is that clanging? The Liberty bell?"

When you walk slowly to your dresser and carefully guide the drawer open, being careful not to make any noise, will she call out, "Where am I? The subway?"

When you gently creak open the closet, will she scream: "You animal. You're stealing my sleep."

When you get on the bed and work your way under the blankets, will she cry out: "Why is the bed shaking? An earthquake?"

And when you finally snuggle under the covers and are just falling into blissful sleep, will she turn to you and say: "Honey, let's talk"?

And when you finally do fall asleep will she bang you awake: "You're snoring. Wake up. I can't sleep."

And when you wake in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, will she shout, "Don't you dare wake me up again." If you reply that you are merely using the facilities, will she reply -- "Why can't you hold it in?"

And then in the morning, when the sun beams into your bedroom will she turn to you and give you a sleepy hug, and say "Darling, it's time to wake up."

And when you turn away from her, will she say "Sorry about last night. I was a bit crazy, wasn't I?"

And then later in the day, when you call and tell her you will be working late and won't be home till past midnight will she in all seriousness say:

"But honey, you know
I can't sleep if you're not next to me..."

Last modified on Tuesday, 22 February 2011 17:12
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Sherri Mandell

Sherri Mandell

Sherri Mandell has a Master's degree in Creative Writing and has taught writing at the University of Maryland and Penn State University. She is the author of the book Writers of the Holocaust. She has written articles for the Washington Post. She is married with four children

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