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Monday, 30 May 2011

Is My Long-Distance Relationship Doomed?

Written by  Erin Donovan

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QWhy do guys have to act so macho around their friends and then they get all lovey when you are alone? The guy I am dating is in the military. He comes home to see me on the weekends and calls me every week. This past weekend was the first weekend we have spent apart since we started dating. He called me on Wed. (his normal day to call). He is a mechanic and has to work night- shift this week so I understand if he is in a bad mood...BUT... I told him I missed him and all he said was "Yeah". That hurt me so BADLY and I almost started crying on the phone but I could not do that. I am scared to death about how I feel about this guy. I still get butterflies when we go out on the weekends because I am so happy with him. He makes me tingle all over. But another problem is he is getting shipped to Saudi Arabia in December...we don't know how long. If he does not miss me over the weekend, will he miss me when he's gone? Or did he miss me and just wasn't man enough to say it in front of his friends? PLEASE HELP.

AIt must be hard for you (understandably!) being away from your boyfriend so much more than you are used to, and trying to adjust to that. It can make you very sensitive to every word he says, looking for any warning signals that your relationship might be in trouble over this added stress. And that could be just what's going on. He might have had a million things on his mind when he was talking to you and "yeah" could have been just his way of saying "I understand, I'm feeling the same way".

There is a possibility that your relationship might be in trouble though. Maybe he is afraid of what the distance will do to your relationship (especially thinking of the upcoming Saudi Arabia trip) and he could be afraid or unsure emotionally how you as a couple are going to deal with this, and how he as an individual will deal with this.

No one can guess what is truly going on in his mind. Next time you talk, tell him that you really need to talk; you need him to call you at a time when you can have a conversation where he's not distracted or in a hurry at work, and when there aren't other people around. Explain to him your concerns over his "yeah" statement, that it made it seem like he wasn't even missing you, and ask him if that was the case (without being confrontational about it). Ask him if he's worried about the upcoming distance and if he's trying to distance himself from you emotionally already.

It really could have been just a simple distracted answer though, so don't be too surprised if he seems to not know what you are talking about with all this 'emotional distance' stuff. But the upcoming distance is something that you two should talk about, and figure out how you are going to handle and cope with it.

I wish you the best of luck

See Relationships - Peers / Crushes and Dating


Last modified on Monday, 30 May 2011 09:04
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Erin Donovan

Erin Donovan

Erin Donovan's contributions were written in the year before she began college, at which time she was WholeFamily's Senior Teen Advisor.

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