You can't make anyone love you and nobody can make you happy. Whew, is that ever hard to buy. I can already hear the screams of protest: "What do you mean you can't get anyone to love you? What a depressing thought! You mean there's nothing I can do to get my wife to love me? What are you saying? There's no love in a marriage? If so, why get involved with someone if they can't make you happy! Why are you telling us this depressing garbage?" Well, the truth of the matter is, it's not depressing; it's liberating! Here's how: First of all, we've all been hypnotized into believing that our true love will heal all hurts.
"The search for true love is a spiritual quest." At the dawn of the new millennium, the main complaint from partners in intimate relationships is the lack of passion and romance in their marriage. The big crisis of modern marriage is that it tends to become about arrangements: I'll pick up the kids, - I'll do this, you'll do that. Married couples are so busy managing their marital lives that they tend to eliminate all the fun of being together.
Think about this question for a moment. Are you as polite, kind and considerate to your partner as you are to a casual acquaintance? For most of us, the answer is no. How come? How is it that this same person that you now hardly give a moment's thought to, unless it's negative, could be the same one to whom you once were so loving, giving and appreciative?
It's become a cliche by now that men stop talking once they get married. My husband, Dan, is no exception. Like everyone, I remember those late, sometimes all-night talks. What started out as loose and free-flowing has turned into something more akin to constipation. It's the surface that bores me. And after 15 years of marriage, a lot of what Dan and I have is surface. Will you put in a load of laundry? Do you have time to take the dog to the vet? "How was your trip?" "Fine." "What did you do?" "Oh, the usual.
Personal responsibility is one of the least understood concepts in modern psychology. A person who would say about himself, "I'm responsible. I get to places on time. I pay my bills. When I promise to do something, I do it," would be describing very fine qualities. However, being reliable and conscientious are not definitions of personal responsibility.
Perhaps, a way of defining personal responsibility is by telling you what it's not.
The comedienne, Phyllis Diller, once said, "Don't go to bed mad, stay up and fight!" Well, that's not the best advice, but it beats doing the "I'll - pretend - to sleep - but - what - I'll - really - do - is - toss - and - turn - groan - and - moan - and - make - you - as - miserable - as - I - am routine." Whether you stay up all night fighting or tossing and turning, one thing is certain, you'll be exhausted and miserable and your problem won't go away. So what's the alternative? How does a couple fight fairly and resolve conflicts?
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