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Saturday, 01 January 2000

Liz Talks About Sex: A Comment on Chris

Written by  Liz Hill

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To all the "Chris's" out there saying "I wish there was someone I could talk to", you need to know that sometimes there isn't. In the real world, you may sometimes feel as if you're alone, which is too bad, since this topic may be the most difficult one you'll ever have to deal with in your teen years.

Hopefully, there will be parents or friends or school counselors who can help you out, but part of becoming an adult is acknowledging that the buck stops with you. And this is certainly the case when the issue is your sexual life.

So let me tell it like it is. Chris, all Rick wants is to feel good for a while. He could care less about your mind, your emotions and your soul. Maybe some day he'll grow up and he will care about those things, but from your description of him, he's still far, far away from that point.

How does this sex thing fit it with my values, my emotions, my comfortor discomfort with myself sexually, my place among my friends, my feelings about what my parents and other adults whom I respect would think about this?

Because if he really cared about you as a person, he wouldn't just be trying to have sex with you. I know that's hard to hear. Everyone wants to feel wanted, for whatever reason. Maybe you haven't yet experienced the wonderful high you can feel when a guy wants to hang out with you because you're bright, or funny, or fun, and not just because he wants to have sex with you.

It would be great if you could find someone to talk to, but this is a topic that is difficult to discuss with anyone, even your closest girlfriends. And maybe the average teenage girl won't feel comfortable discussing this with a parent, relative or teacher.

But sometimes help comes from strange places, like a cool staff member at the school, an adult neighbor who you baby-sit for and - who knows - maybe you're one of those lucky kids who can talk to her parents.

As for friends - sometimes it's even hard for good friends to keep a secret. And you never know what's going on in the head of a friend. For instance, if you have a girlfriend who's doing it, but she's not so sure she's doing the right thing, it might make her feel better if she knows that you're doing it too.

One word of caution, if I may:

Teenage sex is not safe.


And here are some of the reasons it's not safe:

  1. Sex is a heavy responsibility, not just a feel-good sport. And the first responsibility you have is to yourself. For girls, often more than for boys, it's something that involves your deepest feelings, your most intimate connection between your body and your soul, and it's not something that you should share lightly. I mean, who is this guy, anyway? Do you really feel like letting him deep into your soul? Into your body? Just so you'll have someone to hang out with on Saturday nights?
  2. You can get AIDS from sex (not to mention a lot of other diseases), and anyone who tells you that condoms are foolproof is a proven fool. Some doctors say condoms are only 80% foolproof (and if they are really 90% foolproof, or 95% - does that make you feel any better?).
  3. You can get pregnant from sex. With all of the choices you'll have to make then...who needs it?

The real questions that you may (or should) be asking yourself are:

How does this sex thing fit it with my values, my emotions, my comfort or discomfort with myself sexually, my place among my friends, my feelings about what my parents and other adults whom I respect would think about this?

Each person is different so each person has different questions. Obviously, you have questions, or you wouldn't be reading this.

Chris, take it from me - if you want sex to be a special part of your life, save it to share with someone whom you want to make a special part of your life, too.

And I'm not talking about your high school life (unless you plan on settling down at the age of seventeen). Sure, you'll be missing out on a lot of superficial fun right now - maybe even on some stuff that isn't so superficial - but hang in there. If all we cared about was feeling good for the moment, we'd still be doing loads of stupid things.

I know this doesn't sound cool and some of the guys will laugh at you, but when the right one comes along, he'll think that you're amazing.

But a question still remains: If you're not having sex with him and you feel that you don't really know why, and you feel a void in your life because of it, and you feel you should be filling that void with something, what are you going to fill it with?

That's a question that only you can answer.

Hang in there.

Last modified on Sunday, 03 July 2011 09:29
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Liz Hill

Liz Hill

Liz (Elizabeth) Hill is a pseudonym that is a composite of a number of WholeFamily writers who remember what it was like to be young.

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