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Monday, 29 November 2010

Letter Expressing Resentment from Wife to Husband

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The Wrong Way

Dear Bob,
You make me so mad. Why must you always think only of yourself and never think of anyone else?

If you would just listen for once in your life instead of insisting on repeating your point of view, you wouldn't make me so mad.

I try and I try to include you in my plans and what good does it do me? None whatsoever. You just go ahead and plan whatever you want and do things your way regardless of whether they are good for anybody but you. You say that you want to be fair but I know that is not the case. You only want things your way.

I, on the other hand, always take you into consideration. And you won't evenlisten to me when I try to tell you how upset you are making me.

That is because you want to have your own view of things even though it is wrong. If you don't start showing me some consideration, you won't have to even think about me anymore, because I will be out of here.

I have had it with your selfishness.


The Write Way

Dear Bob,
Since it seems hard for us to talk to one another right now, I thought I would write to you instead. That way you can read this in your own time and have a chance to mull over what I am saying.

I am sorry we ended up having a fight. The issue of how we divide up our weekend time is a tough one and I want you to know that I understand that it is as tough for you as it is for me.

When you accused me of trying to control you, I felt really angry because I thought you were not respecting my point of view.

I also felt angry when you made plans to play golf with your friends without checking with me first because I felt as though you were saying that you don't consider me an important part of your free time.

I love you, Bob, and I want our marriage to work. No, you don't have to "ask my permission." It is not about that. I want to know that I am important to you and that you respect me. When we plan out our weekends together, I feel as though you care about me. When you exclude me from your planning, I don't feel that way.

I respect your desire to spend time golfing with your friends and don't want to stand in the way of that.

Please think this over and then let's talk about it again and negotiate a way to make the weekends work for both of us.


Sample letters written by Ms. Patricia Lawrence Pomposello, CSW and psychotherapist.

Use at least several of the following principles while writing your letter:
Don't blame. Don't accuse. Make "I" statements. Be specific about what you want. Ask for your partner's input. End with a positive statement.
Last modified on Monday, 29 November 2010 01:49
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